As long as I have partaken of cannabis it has almost always had an uncanny partner.....drug X. What is Drug X? It is whatever it wants to be. First, it was ritalin. Then, methadone. Next came adderall and of course loperamide after that. Some have very short life spans and some longer, but cannabis by itself has never been enough for me by itself except in certain situations and still not for long.
I can't seem to be able to *just* smoke weed and be cool with it, i always need that little extra "push" to go with it, that combination is what seems to calm the demon. However, back in the "Van Buren" era, I had some luck with perhaps only toking or only drinking, the method i employed is that I never smoked or drank before or during work. That was it. And it worked, except for an occasional mushroom trip it worked. Where I get fucked up is when I start using before or during work because when one uses cannabis all the time it simply does not produce the desired effect except for MAYBE one's first rip of the day.
Right now I am still withdrawing off loperamide and i think the physical effects are gone and some psychological effects may persist as well but i'm not certain. The psychological effects were most definitely in effect a few days ago, but today I did not need to take any type of anti-diarrheal or stomach medicine.
Another piece i need to keep in mind is that i am no longer dependent on clonazepam. Klonopin is a highly addictive narcotic that I was on for 12 years and it increased drug-seeking behavior. Why the fuck was I on something like that for so long? Holy fuck, do I have the right doctor? He let me keep it until I admitted that i was abusing it but at least he was cool enough to let me taper off it. Nah, I think i have a really good pdoc, possibly the best. But should I even be seeing one? Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just stopped taking all my meds and seeing mental health pro's, I wonder where I would end up?
